


Black Notebook

by CoffeeDevil



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Demon Summoning, First Dates, Multi, monster under the bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-21 21:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8261347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeDevil/pseuds/CoffeeDevil
Summary: A collection of random shorts and snippets from the Black Butler / Kuroshitsuji universe. Tags and Ratings may change as stories are added.





	1. The Five Stages of Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU setting. Grell finally gets the date she's been dying for.

Tonight was the night. After years of waiting, Grell finally had a date with William!

The redhead had traded in every last favor she possessed with her coworkers to be able to skip out of work early, ensuring she had plenty of time to wash and style her hair into its most gloriously soft and shiny state and apply her makeup with _deathly_ careful precision. Gone was her boring corporate attire, in its place a carefully selected outfit consisting of a sleeveless red blouse, black skinny jeans that made her long legs go on for miles, and her tallest, strappiest pair of do-me pumps.

 _Girl, you are killing it!_ she thought to her reflection, winking at the full-length mirror. There's no way William would be able to resist her tonight.

She practically floated to the restaurant, arriving embarrassingly early. After a brief debate, she decided to go ahead and get a table. Maybe he would show up early, too. Grell immediately ordered a frozen margarita to settle her nerves, not wanting to start the night tense and jittery. She sipped the slushy beverage and pulled out the sweet note she'd found on her desk after lunch to reread it for the millionth time.

 

Dearest Grell,

I have been a fool for ignoring your affections. Please join me for dinner tonight at 8 o'clock at the quaint Mexican restaurant you always invite me to, though I'm never brave enough to join you. Do not respond to this letter; my heart could not take the sting if your answer is no. Your presence, or lack thereof, will be answer enough for me.

Hopefully Yours,

William

 

She pressed the neatly typed paper to her chest, kicking her feet happily under the table and squealing in joy. She had had the biggest crush on William since they were in training together. He was technically her boss now, which led to an obscene number of office fantasies rather than acting as a deterrent. He had never even hinted at returning her affections – until now! Now all her wildest fantasies would come true!

Grell enthusiastically downed the last of her margarita and carefully refolded the note, placing it gently back into her purse. She contented herself with people watching as she sipped her water and waited for William.

A frown creased her brow as a second empty water glass joined the first. She pulled out her phone to check the time, relaxing slightly when she saw it was only 8:10. He wasn't that late; she had been very early after all. She flagged down the waiter and asked him to keep an eye out for a black haired man named William while she visited the lavatory.

Grell smiled as she primped after using the facilities, picturing William waiting for her at the table when she returned. She slicked on one last coat of cherry gloss and blew a kiss at the mirror.

Her shoulders slumped when she was close enough to see her booth still empty. The server caught her eye, lifting his hands in an apologetic gesture. She waved him off. Not his fault William was running late. The workaholic probably got caught up with a last minute stack of papers. Her ruby lips quirked at the thought of Will panicking about being late as mountains of urgent paperwork were suddenly piled on his desk, desperately hoping she wouldn't leave before he arrived. _Don't worry, baby, I'll wait for you._ After waiting a number-that-shall-not-be-specified of years (a lady never dates herself like that), a few more minutes would be cake. She made due by ordering the sweetest, reddest cocktail she could find and sipping it slowly.

 _Really now,_ she huffed as the empty glass was taken away. Her phone mocked her with a blinking 9:02 and she glared at it before flipping it upside down so it couldn't taunt her anymore. _You are one lucky man, William T. Spears. If you were anyone else, I would already be gone. This is no way to treat a lady._ She would have called him and given him a piece of her mind if she had his number.

Her stomach rumbled for the millionth time as a sizzling plate of fajitas drifted past. She had been trying to wait for her date to arrive before ordering, but supposed an appetizer would be okay.

The sympathetic look on her server's face when she asked for two plates with her nachos made her want to claw his eyes out. She bit into the chips with force, the brittle snapping helping her work out her aggression. Grell paced herself, eating with decreasing speed until exactly half the order remained. William would undoubtedly be hungry after such a long day.

Well, maybe one more wouldn't hurt.

And another.

And another.

Soon the whole bowl was gone and Grell was on the verge of tears. She told herself it hadn't been _that_ long. It could still be 9:02 so long as she didn't look at the clock. The server opened his mouth to say something sympathetic when he removed the dishes and she shot him a dirty glare, silencing him. The murmurs of conversation she could hear around her grated on her nerves, certain they were talking about her. She chanced a glance up and immediately regretted it. Pitying gazes were all around her. Many of the other customers were staring right at her as they spoke in hushed tones behind raised hands.

 _I will not cry_ , she told herself fiercely as hot tears prickled treacherously in her eyes. She kept her lids wide open, not willing to risk blinking for fear of forcing one out and ruining her makeup. She may have been stood up but by God she was not going to cry about it. Not in public. She would pay her bill and go home before she embarrassed herself further. Grell breathed slowly in and out until she felt she could speak without her voice shaking.

She had tried not to think as she waited, but the back of her mind had gone on and done it without her. She had known the letter was out of character for Will the moment she received it but her aching little heart had allowed her to believe for one glorious moment that it was real, not another heartbreaking trick from her coworkers.

"Sorry I'm so late!" an unfamiliar voice called loudly, jolting her out of her thoughts. A strange young man with two-toned blond and black hair and black-rimmed glasses slipped into her booth. "My car died all the way across town."

Grell's jaw dropped. "Who are –"

He leaned in, hissing, "Just go with it." He grabbed her hand, raising it to his lips for an impassioned kiss as he pleaded dramatically, "Please forgive me, my Dove, light of my life."

Grell stared at him wide-eyed, breath frozen in her chest before sinking smoothly into her role. There was nothing in this world Grell Sutcliff wanted more than to be an actress, after all. "I _suppose_ I will," she told him, raising a thoughtful finger to her chin. "This time."

He kissed her knuckles once more before releasing her hand. "My lady is as kind as she is lovely."

"Flatterer," she sniffed. "Since you were late, I get to pick our meal tonight, dear."

"It is only fair, honey" the stranger agreed, green eyes twinkling. He endured the dirty looks of the other patrons and light razzing of the server with ease, looking appropriately sheepish and apologetic.

"How was your day?" Grell asked like any good long-term partner would as they waited for their food.

"Long. I was in such a rush to meet you I didn't even change," he indicated his suit. "Your radiant smile brightens even the darkest of days."

Grell couldn't help by smile at that. "That is why you keep me."

"One of many reasons, beautiful."

 _Oh, be still my heart_ , she commanded her pitter-pattering organ as the stranger's face broke into a stunning smile. Feeling her cheeks turn bright red, she hid her face behind her water glass, knowing full well it was far too small to provide sufficient cover. She bantered happily with the nameless stranger as they ate, each deep into their role of a long term couple. He even picked up the tab.

Arm-in-arm, the mystery man led Grell outside and stopped at the curb. She looked up at him inquiringly, about to ask why when she remembered this wasn't a real date – and why. "Um," she said shyly, extracting her arm and staring at her feet. "Thank you. That was fun."

"My pleasure. I couldn't bear to see such a pretty lady cry." He gently lifted her face with the tips of his fingers. "Whoever he is was a fool for standing you up."

Grell's jaw clenched. She didn't want to tell him that it was a cruel prank by her coworkers. She couldn't stand the thought of seeing pity on his face so she just nodded.

"Anyway," he continued, nervously rubbing the back of his neck, "I was thinking, maybe you'd be willing to go out with me again some time. You know, on a real date."

Grell gasped, allowing the first fool thing to fall out of her mouth. "But – I don't even know your name!"

"That didn't stop me!" He smiled brightly. "And it's Ronald, Ronald Knox."

"Grell Sutcliff," she responded. "And sure."


	2. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU setting: Sebastian is the monster under the bed and Ciel is the monster in it.

Being a demon is a pretty straightforward gig: You get assigned to a target and torment them until they break and sell their soul. What could be simpler than that?

Sebastian smiled sharply when he looked at the profile of his next victim: Ciel Phantomhive, age 6. Children were so easy. With any luck, he could wrap this one up by Wednesday night and have himself a four day weekend. Whistling merrily, Sebastian slipped into a human skin, wrapped a long black coat around himself, and popped over to the human world, itching to flex his claws.

He appeared behind his giggling target who was crouched down, playing in the grass outside his home. Bright Monday morning sunlight beat down on the child's dark gray head. Sebastian raised his arms menacingly and leaned forward, preparing to scare the daylights out of the boy. He paused as he saw what the child was doing. Little Ciel sat peacefully with a magnifying glass, burning ants alive. He carefully directed the beam, frying one at a time and chuckling merrily as they popped. The demon blinked at this before shaking himself and lunging forward to shout in the boy's ear.

Ciel predictably jumped up and spun around. Instead of crying or screaming, he just frowned. "Go away."

Sebastian bared his fangs and hissed, jerking as if he was going to lunge at Ciel, who clearly wasn't falling for it. The boy stood completely still, glaring at him before deciding Sebastian wasn't a threat and sitting back down to continue popping ants.

The very confused demon dropped his arms and scowled.

Fine, if the kid wasn't scared of a large, threatening stranger in broad daylight, he'd just have to come back at night. Kids are terrified of everything in the dark.

At eleven-thirty, Sebastian eased Ciel's closet door open, making the normally lubricated hinges squeak loudly to startle the boy awake. One tiny fist rubbing his eye, Ciel sat up and looked around curiously. He dropped his hand and opened both eyes fully when he caught sight of the open closet.

_That's right. Fear the monster in your closet, child._

Sebastian let out a low, rumbling growl, pleased to see Ciel's eyes widen. He wondered what the boy would do next: Cry? Scream? Call his parents? Sebastian grinned broadly and let his eyes glow hellish red in the depths of the dark alcove. He blinked when Ciel crawled out of bed and took a few shaky steps toward him. It was unexpected, but he could work with it. Sebastian waited for Ciel to come within grabbing distance, prepared to snatch him up and scare the life out of him. _Just three more steps. Two more steps. One more_ – the door was abruptly slammed in his face. He heard a scrape and rattle as a chair was jammed under the doorknob and blinked stupidly.

_Oh, hell no. Game on, tiny tot._

Sebastian immediately disappeared back to hell to work out a new plan. Simple tricks clearly weren't cutting it with this child for some reason but Sebastian would be damned twice if he was going to let a runt get the best of him.

He spent the second day in an incorporeal form, slamming shutters, flickering lights, rattling doors, and otherwise poltergeisting the shit out of any area around Ciel. It worked magnificently – on the adults. The nanny quit on the spot and the maid ran off screaming. The butler gave Ciel a wide berth and his parents jumped at every new development, clearly spooked. The brat just ignored it, happily causing his own chaos during their lack of normal supervision. He ate all the candy, colored on all the walls, and lit two separate rooms of fire (both hastily put out by the demon who was ardently trying to torment the boy, not kill him).

Sebastian was gnashing his teeth by dinner time, when Ciel ran off to play outside instead of going to the table as his parents instructed. He could have _sworn_ the ghost thing would work. The frustrated demon slipped back into his natural demonic form to pinch the bridge of his nose and rub at his eyes. At the sound of laughter floating in from the front yard, Sebastian sighed and poked his head out to see what was so damn funny. He arched a brow when he found the little twerp pouring salt on slugs and laughing madly as they foamed and shriveled.

_That kid is seriously messed up._

Fortunately, luck was on his side that night. A large thunderstorm rolled in, lighting the dark house with lightning and rattling the windows with thunder. Ciel was a shaking mess under his blankets. Sebastian stood in one shadowy corner of the boy's bedroom, hands steepled, lips curled up in a feral grin at the sight of the quivering boy. It would take nothing to push him over the edge now.

Still in his demonic form, all twisty horns, wild hair, long tail, and giant fangs, Sebastian stalked toward the bed. His shiny boots clicked like a metronome, clearly audible even over the din outside. Ciel's sobs cut off abruptly and his little body stiffened. The demon loomed behind his back, waiting for the boy to roll over and scream. Slowly, Ciel turned himself around, eyes wide and wet. He examined Sebastian curiously before relaxing again.

"Oh, it's just you." The boy snuggled down into his pillow and relaxed. Thunder crashed and his eyes popped open. Upon seeing Sebastian still standing there he closed them again with a happy hum.

Sebastian had never been so offended in his entire life.

Ciel awoke on Wednesday morning to a completely destroyed room. All his toys were broken, clothing was shredded, and walls were covered in paint, which was also smeared liberally across his hands and arms. The mist-form demon smiled happily from beneath the boy's bed as he was spanked and punished despite his childish pleas of innocence.

The demon broke everything the boy touched and framed him for destroying some pretty important things he didn't. Turning everyone against him would make the kid desperate enough to do anything to get Sebastian stop. He was humming thoughtfully in the master bedroom's closet when a little voice suggested, "The blue one. It's her favorite." He glanced down to see Ciel holding a pair of kitchen shears and pointing insistently at one of mother's dresses. When Sebastian didn't react, he reached up himself and started snipping at the little bit of the hem he could reach.

"There is something wrong with you, kid," the demon noted flatly with a sigh, disappearing.

Thursday was hellish and not in the good way. The child's newest game seemed to be a rousing round of Torment the Demon. Ciel's first act was to dump an entire bucket of glitter on Sebastian as soon as he appeared, making the demon seriously consider confronting the boy's parents about why in the name of everything unholy they saw fit to give that hellion a gallon of glitter in the first place. Instead, he went incorporeal to shake that trash off and was immediately captured in a stinky dog food bucket. Red eyes narrowed, he zapped himself out and reappeared behind the child who dropped the bucket with a clatter, shouted "You're it!" and ran off.

Movement outside the window caught his eye and Sebastian turned to see the most glorious sight: a sleek black cat and her multi-colored kittens. In an instant, he had his human skin on and was sitting in the grass, covered in kittens and purring happily, all thoughts of that brat momentarily forgotten. _Ah, just what I need_. He rubbed their fluffy little heads, squeezed their plump little jellybean toes, and waggled his fingers for them to play with. Cats truly were the most magnificent of creatures.

He passed at least an hour this way before anyone bothered him. Unfortunately, it was the one person he least wanted to see.

"You never found me – you lose!"

The demon refused to turn around, intent on getting in the last few pets he could before that unholy terror scared off his feline friends.

"Hey, whatcha got there?" Sebastian winced but didn't respond. "Oh, are those kittens?" A grubby little hand grabbed one by the tail, pulling it over to him. The kitten predictably spun around swatting and hissing to bite him. "OW!" The boy jerked his bleeding hand back, cradling it to his chest before lashing out and kicking whatever cat was closest to him to make them all scatter.

Sebastian stared at him, jaw hanging open as if he had been the one kicked. "How dare you?"

Sullen blue eyes looked up at him. "It bit me, see?" He held out a tiny hand to display a single scratch and two little pin-pricks that barely broke the skin.

The demon grabbed his wrist and twisted it back until the boy cried out, shoving him down onto the grass to loom menacingly. He let his human form slip away. "If I ever see you harm a cat again, I'll do much more than bite you," he warned in a raspy, silibant hiss. The boy looked unrepentant so Sebastian slapped him hard across the cheek. Tears welled and the demon felt satisfied. He disappeared in a flash to let his message sink in. Clearly, the only thing that got through to this kid was physical pain. He could work with that. Hell, at this point it would be his dearest _pleasure_ to work with that.

Sebastian spent the rest of the afternoon popping up just long enough to pinch or trip the boy, smirking as he noticed how the child was beginning to flinch at noises and cautiously watch his step. He took his torment through the night, poking and startling the boy awake every time he drifted off. By Friday morning, Ciel was a twitching mess, jerking himself awake every time he felt sleep closing in and watching his surroundings warily from under droopy, tired lids. He didn't have the energy to much of anything but sit quietly all day, which suited the demon just fine.

Around dinner time, Sebastian left the boy with his parents and took a much-deserved break. He returned home for an hour or two just to stretch out, eat, and relax. Demons don't need sleep (though they do like it), so he was able to return quickly to avoid losing any progress he'd made.

Curiously, the boy wasn't in his room. From the way he'd been nodding off at the dinner table, Sebastian had been certain his parents would have put him to bed early. He rolled his eyes as he remembered how completely inept those morons had been over the last few days, deciding he wasn't surprised. The demon stalked around the house, hunting. The father was alone in his study. The mother was alone in the master bedroom. The help was washing up in the kitchen. At last, he had to admit the boy wasn't inside. Sebastian quirked a brow and stretched out his demon senses (which is what he should have done first, but honestly, can't these people keep an eye on their child like proper adults?). _There he is. In the garden_. With an aggravated huff, the demon disappeared and reappeared behind his target as he'd done on the first day. He immediately reached out a clawed hand to snatch the kid up by the back of his scrawny neck when he noticed the fire pit. Had the kid lit it himself? The flames glinted oddly and smelled strange. As a denizen of hell, Sebastian was practically a connoisseur of fire and there was something off about this one.

Sebastian shook his head to clear it. It was only a fire pit. He grabbed the boy by the shoulder, making him jump and look up. Before either of them could speak, there was an odd groaning noise from the flames. Sebastian's thin black brows drew together and he leaned in closer. Was that … a black garbage bag? He looked down at the boy who was staring off into the distance, lip sticking out in a tiny pout.

"I missed one," he sulked.

Sebastian tilted his head, following the boy's gaze to a … kitten. Red eyes wide, he looked at the fire pit with horror, realizing what had made the noises in that bag.

_What the actual FUCK is wrong with this kid!?_

Sebastian used his inhuman speed to run over and snatch up the kitten, popping both of them safely back to hell. Frowning, he stomped to his desk and pulled out a standard mission form. Kitten tucked under one arm, he hastily filled out the date, names, and assignment, finishing with:

 **  
STATUS:** Aborted.   
**REASON:** Miscategorization. Child is clearly a demon and possesses no soul.   
**ADDT'L:** I demand hazard pay and therapy.


	3. Demon Summoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU setting. Grell moves across the country, gets a job, and summons a demon. For some reason, nothing ever goes the way she plans.

Grell Sutcliff stood in the middle of a dilapidated living room, soaked and fuming. Water droplets dripped from the hem of her red coat to make an ever-growing puddle at her feet as she stared at her new home with steam rolling out of her ears. What wasn't covered in mold was covered in dust. What wasn't covered in mold or dust was drenched by the steady flow of rain pouring in the holey ceiling.

 _'Fully furnished and move-in ready' my ass_ , she seethed internally. The only reason she'd agreed to move across the country and into her late grandmother's house was because she was assured everything was in order. Well, that and her complete and total lack of anywhere else to go. When she got her hands around her cousin's neck, she was going to strangle him.

As if awakened by her thoughts, her hands finally unfroze enough to drop her suitcases to the damp wooden floor with a hollow _thump_. First things first, she had to do something about this water. Grell carefully navigated the death-trap of a house to where she vaguely remembered the kitchen being in her distant childhood. Pots and pans in hand, she dutifully trod around the ramshackle building to place them under the worst leaks. It wouldn't do anything to help the damage that had already been done, but it would limit the bog she'd have to deal with later. Grell grimaced as she inspected the once-nice rugs and furniture. Everything would have to be thrown out.

As bad as the front half of the house looked, she was surprised to find the back whole and dry. The master bedroom was dusty, but mold- and hole-free. _Thank God for small favors_ , she thought absently, eyeing the dusty canopy bed. There was no way she would be sleeping in that until the sheets were washed.

The master bath seemed to be intact, too. Grell closed her eyes and held her breath as she turned the faucet on. "Halle-freaking-lujah." The water worked. It wasn't hot, but she could at least flush the toilet and wash her hands. She really didn't have the money to stay in a hotel right now. Mentally exhausted, she flopped down on the corner of the bed, coughing when a dust cloud rose and invaded her mouth.

 _Good grief. This place is nasty!_ Grell immediately set about stripping the bed. If she wanted to sleep here tonight, she had a lot of work to do.

\---

Priority number two was a job. Grell spent the better part of two weeks dividing her time between job hunting and patching up the house. She didn't have the money to actually _fix_ anything, but she was at least able to put plastic tarps over the roof holes and throw out the moldy rugs.

By the end of those two weeks, she had a mostly habitable house and tolerable office job. It obviously wasn't her ideal situation, but it was better than were she was before this mess started. She had given her dream of being an actress the ol' college try and failed miserably, ending up broke, homeless, and desperate enough to jump feet-first into Eric's offer to fly her back across the country if she agreed to take Nana's house as her part of the inheritance. Grell shrugged. It probably wasn't the best deal, but it beat being homeless and alone so she was okay with it.

\---

By the end of week four, she remembered just how crazy the old bat was. It had been easy to overlook the occult paraphernalia when moldy dust bunnies were evolving like Pokémon and there seemed to be more water inside the house than out; but once all that mess was cleared away, there really was no ignoring the creepy mystical shit the old lady hoarded. Everything from crystals to animal skulls was carefully stored and displayed somewhere. Grell almost lost her voice shrieking one night when she opened a closet and a giant stuffed crow fell on her head, disintegrating into a puff of feathers and sawdust upon impact. She had scrubbed herself for hours and swore she could still feel lit in her hair days later.

Sour over the crow incident, she boxed up all the stupid hoodoo crap she could find and intended to donate or trash it. She really didn't care so long as it went away. Grell had grand plans for the romantic, elegant way she wanted to decorate her home and creepy hair dolls had no part in it.

\---

Week eight had gone swimmingly – "had" being the key word. Grell was proud of herself for getting the house squared away and felt like she was finally fitting in at work. She tried inviting some of her coworkers over and … well ….

_"Are you actually going to go?" a young brunet named Davis whispered in the copy room. Grell, who had been about to round the corner, froze, curious if he was talking about her party._

_"I don't know," the timid voice of Alan Humphries answered, clearly conflicted._

_"I'm not," Davis said firmly with a snort. "That guy's a freak."_

_"He seems nice. He's just a little … different."_

_Davis guffawed. "Different!? That asshole's a full-blown lunatic, prancing around in high heels and insisting everyone call him 'ma'am.' The only reason I'd show up is to egg his house."_

_"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'd rather watch the game anyway."_

Tears stung Grell's eyes as she replayed that memory over and over, mentally flagellating herself. It had been stupid to reach out. She didn't know these people; why would they care about her? She sat alone on her sofa drinking straight out of a wine bottle. She had started out pouring it properly into a wine glass but the practice had been abandoned somewhere around cup four when it became glaringly apparent that no one would be showing up. She pulled the entire tray of hors d'oeuvres into her lap. _Fuck it, might as well. Grell, party of one._

\---

Six months later, the party incident was all but forgotten. Everyone was polite to her, though they never invited her out. Most seemed to have accepted her odd quirks, many brushing them off with a muttered "Must be a west coast thing" and no real malice. It was better than the open hostility she faced the first few weeks and barely concealed contempt that followed, but she couldn't help feeling left out.

"Can't believe Knox broke up with him," someone on the other side of her cube wall was saying.

"Yeah, but Spears seems to be okay with it somehow. Maybe they weren't serious?"

 _Doth mine ears deceive me or is my sweet William finally single?_ Grell thought excitedly. She popped up like a prairie dog to join in the gossip. "Ron dropped Will?"

Alan Humphries stumbled back a step and slapped a hand to his chest. "You! I – I didn't know you were there."

Grell folded her arms on top of the short cubicle wall and rested her chin on them, green eyes glittering excitedly. "Is it true or not, Alan?"

Alan looked to the young woman he'd been chatting with, then back to Grell. "Um, yes? That's what everyone is saying, anyway."

Grell's butt practically wiggled behind the safety of the partition and it took everything she had not to squeal. Gloating over someone else's misfortune definitely wouldn't go over well. Instead, she just breathed out, "Oh? Interesting. Gotta get back to work. Thanks, lamb," and plopped herself back down into her chair to plot.

She painstakingly detailed her **Make William Love Me** plan over the next week, outlining he best times and ways to approach him as well as conversation starters and first date ideas. She planned for absolutely everything – except outright rejection.

By her calculations, the best time to approach William was two Fridays after the breakup. She dropped by his desk on her way out the door to ask, "Hey, Will, would you like to –"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to –"

He didn't look up; his eyes were fastened to a paper on his desk like she wasn't even there. "It doesn't matter. Whatever it is, no."

Brows furrowed, Grell snapped, "I just wanted to buy you a drink."

"I know exactly what you want from me and I'm not interested." Seeing her still standing there out of the corner of his eye, he sighed and finally looked up. Grell's heart skipped a beat as those lovely black-framed emerald eyes bore into her soul. _He's looking at me!_ her inner voice shouted. She opened her mouth to try again but he cut her off. "The whole office knows about your ridiculous crush on me and I don't want any part of it. It's embarrassing. Just go."

His words popped her like a balloon. Grell turned on her heel without another word and marched out. She made it all the way home without speaking a single word or turning her head. She stared straight forward, chin up, eyes held wide open so she wouldn't risk squeezing out a tear. Hours later she found herself sitting on her new red velvet sofa, staring blankly into a dark room and thinking about the past. Her grandmother had done a palm reading on her once as a teenager and declared quite firmly that Grell was destined to live her life forever alone, something the redhead had immediately dismissed as nonsense. There was no way a vibrant, interesting woman such as herself could possibly struggle to find love. Ten years' worth of failed romantic attempts later were making her reconsider her knee-jerk rebuttal.

Grell sighed and ran a hand over her face. She was too exhausted to consider drinking until she passed out, so she skipped the middle man and crawled directly into bed. The oblivion of sleep sounded heavenly.

Electronic beeping sounded the next morning and Grell popped up, ready to get her man! The fire in her eyes faded as she remembered that that was yesterday. And it didn't work. She flopped back down, glaring at the ceiling. _Stupid Will. Like I'd want to be with someone so cold-hearted anyway._ She clenched her jaw. _I'll show him_. How or what she planned to 'show' him, she had no idea, but was sure she'd figure something out. How dare he call her affection embarrassing? No one treated Grell Sutcliff like that and got away with it.

Grell stomped around her bedroom and kitchen, dressing and cooking before deciding to take her anger out on the stupid boxes of witchy crap she had impulsively shoved into her attic after fixing the roof. It was time for that trash to _go_. She climbed the narrow pull-down ladder and carelessly tossed the cardboard boxes down to ground level, not caring if the things inside broke. Fuck donation, she was going to drive these babies straight to the landfill and smile as they got crushed with other trash. Grell grunted as she dragged the last box to the opening, cursing herself for putting all the books into one box. She pushed it down the ladder and smiled with sadistic glee as overloaded cardboard split when it hit the floor – then cursed as she had to drag out a new box and reload it. Oh well, it was worth it.

Grell knelt on the floor to gather up the books and put them into the new box. There were books on _everything_ here: rocks, stars, palmistry, spells, rituals, plants, rainbows, demons ….

Grell paused, hand on the leather-bound demon book. She flipped it open curiously. Her eyes roved over the intricate, hand-illuminated illustrations and detailed descriptions of each supernatural being. It listed their abilities, personalities, and what kinds of wishes they granted. Money, fame, pleasure … love. Eyes large, she crossed her legs and leaned over the book, completely engrossed and oblivious to the fact she was sitting on the hard floor.

After careful examination and a brief pause to get a pen, paper pad, and sticky notes, she had narrowed it down to her top three choices. Grell laughed nervously in the back of her mind at how seriously she was taking this. _It's just a silly little book, right?_ But the pictures were yummy and it was nice to pretend for a minute that she could say the magic words and have all her problems go away. She dragged everything into the kitchen and munched on a sandwich while deliberating.

Bachelor Number One was a Japanese spider demon called Jorougumo, last known alias Claude Faustus. _His human form looks exactly like William! He's stoic but does some freaky stuff in the sack, so that's a bonus._

Bachelor Number Two was an Italian crow demon named Malphas, last known alias Sebastian Michaelis. _Hmm, he looks like a sexy version of Will and is supposed to be very playful and receptive to new offers._

Bachelor Number Three was a Mesopotamian bat demon known as Lilu, an incubus that can take any shape or name. _I could make him look like William with a nine inch penis. WHAT, IT'S A VALID PLAN._

She chewed slowly as she flipped back and forth between her three marked pages, playing out her little game show in her head. _Spiders are kind of gross. I'm not fond of birds either, though. But where's the fun in doing_ all _the work in my sexy fantasies?_ Pursing her lips, she pulled the sticky tab off of Lilu. _Right. Cold but freaky Will or hot and playful Will?_ She pinched the pages between her fingers, holding them up straight up so she could tilt her head back and forth to look between them. She tapped her chin with her free hand before nodding and letting the book fall open to her choice. _Hot and playful it is_.

She rested her chin in her hand and stared longingly at the illustration, running her finger over Malphas's face. _If only you were real, my little chicky-boo, I'd summon you in a heartbeat. You'd be the dark knight to my fair maiden, the Romeo to my Juliette!_ She sighed happily, picturing how jealous everyone would be when her handsome beau picked her up from work or if they saw her out on the town on the arm of her hunk. Just thinking about it made her squeal and kick her feet in delight.

"How about a drink, handsome?" she offered the picture. "Of course you'd love one. That's what you're supposed to say when a lady invites you out." She poured herself a glass of champagne (because why the hell not) and settled down on the sofa to watch some TV with her 'date.'

"You and I were made for each other," she told the book seriously an hour later, words slurring slightly. She had polished off the bottle and felt better than she had in weeks. William who? "I'd love you and hold you and _squeeze_ you," she mumbled, crushing the book to her chest. "If only you were real …" she finished in a whisper. Her eyes snagged on the forgotten boxes of paraphernalia she'd abandoned in the hall after the book caught her eye. She regarded them appraisingly, glancing thoughtfully between the book and boxes. "Hm, what do you say, Malphas? Should I give it a go just for shits and giggles?" Something about that phrase made her titter, broken up by a dainty _hic_ , which just made her laugh more. "What the hell, I'm just going to throw it all out anyway. Let's have a party first!"

Grell walked in a mostly straight line to the boxes. She was no light-weight drinker after all. She blinked at Malphas's page, reading his summoning ritual and pawing through the boxes until she found what she needed. She didn't have everything – seriously, who _does_ have fresh crow's liver? – but she felt it was good enough.

Arms loaded, she climbed into the attic and flicked on the light. The area above her bedroom was clean and dry; the other end was still warped and mildew-y with some holes she hadn't fixed yet. It felt dark and dangerous – the _obvious_ place to do a pretend demon summoning, if she did say so herself. She toddled over to the edge of the danger zone and dropped her burden, digging through it to find the chalk. She hummed happily to herself, occasionally sneezing at the dust or giggling at a funny thought as she tried to copy the fancy circle out of her book. This was _way_ more fun than she thought it would be!

Grell sat back on her heels and smiled. Perfect! She scattered the other supplies around the circle and declared it good enough. If only she had some candles, it would be Hollywood ready. Her lips curved up at that thought. For tonight, she was an actress!

Grinning madly, Grell stood and held her book aloft like Yorick's skull, other hand pressed dramatically to her chest. She read the incantation theatrically with many dramatic pauses and gestures, picturing herself on stage in front of a large audience. It was all in Latin and she didn't understand a damn word of it, but by God she was going to do a good job. She made it all the way to the very last lines before the gods of acting abandoned her. " _Sic veni! Veni Mal_ – ah," she gasped, turning to the side and fighting it. " _Veni Ma-a-a-_ achoo!" Grell sneezed violently, bending almost in half and turning away from her beautiful circle. She wiped her nose, sniffling before coughing a bit. "Damn dust – _hic_ – ruining a good performance." She lifted the book and sighed. "Right at the end, too. _Veni et Servi_ ," she muttered the last two words lacklusterly. Good mood officially ruined. Grell snapped the book closed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Absolutely pathetic," a soft voice stated flatly from behind her.

Grell whipped around, eyes wide. A strange dark-haired teenage boy stood in the middle of her circle, eyeing it with distaste.

"Seriously, is this the best you could do?"

She scowled at that, stepping forward to jab her finger into his bony little chest. "Watch it, kid. This setup is beautiful …" she trailed off as she got a closer look at him. Short. Thin. Blue eye. Eyepatch. Frilly clothes. "Hey, you look nothing like your photo!" she complained, waving the book in his face. Grell wanted a sex god, not a squirt! Her drunken brain was oddly more upset with the fact that the wrong demon showed up than the fact that one showed up at all.

The boy quirked a brow and snatched the book out of her hand, flipping almost all the way to the back. He turned it around to show her a portrait that looked just like him. "I'd say it's a pretty good likeness myself, but to each his own." He thrust the book back into her hand, huffing when she brought it practically to her nose to examine it. "I'm busy. What do you want?"

"I wanted Malphas," she whined.

"You should have done a better job then. Spit out your wish or I'll just eat you now for wasting my time."

Grell blinked at him stupidly. "Well, I want to make someone fall in love with me."

"Not bloody likely," the boy said with a sneer, raking his eyes dismissively over Grell's sloppy work clothes covered in dust and dirt, her blotchy drunken face, and her disheveled, knotted hair.

"I _know_ ," she said bitterly. "That's why I need help."

"Pick something doable," he demanded like a spoiled child, folding his arms.

Green eyes examined him critically, gears turning. The little demon wasn't bad looking; she could totally make this work. " _You_ could be my boyfriend," she suggested hopefully.

The demon's mouth fell open indignantly and immediately snapped closed. "Making someone love you it is, then." _Damn, this is going to be a long one_.


End file.
